she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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