ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
