she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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