dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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