FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
