At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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