the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
