On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
