The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
