He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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