forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
