I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
