I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
