I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
