never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
