Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
