I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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