If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
