Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
