So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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