so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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