I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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