He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
