I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
