Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
