genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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