so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
