and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My ass is underappreciated
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
