I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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