so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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