whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
