Im at strip club and am horny
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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