i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
