I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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