Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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