It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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