I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
