I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
