was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
