i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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