if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
