On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
