Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
