I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
