On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
