Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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