'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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