Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My pussy is not your playground.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
