even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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