I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
